Sunday 14 February 2016

Unemployment in Nigeria : Who's really to blame?

I wasn't too sure the title to give this post but anyway here we are. I guess anything goes ; so let's get down to business.

I know youth unemployment is no longer news in Nigeria. It's something that we all have come to accept, something we've gotten so used to, and probably, something that would remain an integral part of the Nigerian society if fast action isn't taken as soon as possible. Government has a very big role to play to avert unemployment but at the same time I feel those involved have a bigger role to play  in breaking themselves free from the clutches of unemployment. It's sad that these days we all wait for the 'government' to do virtually everything for us- from providing jobs, feeding us and our families, providing social amenities (which of course we expect to enjoy FOC), to catering for most of our needs. Infact the list is just endless. 

It pains me when I see a young university graduate or a healthy young guy/girl sitting at home and lamenting about the sorry state of affairs of the Nigerian nation. Yes! I'm aware of the fact that white-collar jobs are hard to come by and getting the kind of jobs we often desire are based on the 'who-you-sabi' syndrome, I'm also aware of the fact that hustling in Nigeria requires a lot of patience, perseverance, determination and sheer doggedness just like I'm aware of the dwindling nature of the country's economy. But I feel this shouldn't be an excuse for youths to dedicate themselves to laziness as they curse and blame the government for their woes.

We all heard about the bizarre immigration recruitment test in Abuja sometime last year where thousands of young graduates lost their lives( some were injured) as they came to take a recruitment test that later resulted in a stampede. Well, few days ago I saw in the news that some of those who 'survived' that test came out to protest the FG's inaction concerning the matter whilst others demanded they be given jobs to compensate for all they went through. That really got me thinking. How long would these guys keep blaming the government for their woes, how long would they fold their arms and wait for the government to come to their rescue, and how long will Buhari continue to be the reason for their joblessness. Not like I totally blame them though but I feel helping ourselves first should be paramount before we begin to seek help from other sources. Whatever happened to skills acquisition, blue-collar jobs, self development, etc??

It's a pity that majority of Nigerian youths know nothing outside the 'book' they were sent to school to learn. While you're studying that book in school, developing yourself or learning a skill / trade wouldn't hurt anyone. Who knows when it would come in handy. You think celebrity designers like Mai Atafo, Toju Foyeh, and Lanre Da Silva Ajayi all started out big? Not at all. Infact all of them are tailors - only that their consistency, love/passion for what they do, and patience gave them the 'swag' they have today. This world doesn't end with 'book' jare(it's very important though). Please let's embrace creativity, hard work, perseverance, and continuous self-development as these are very only but a few of the traits needed to achieve our goals and realise even our tallest dreams.

Let's go out there and make something out of nothing!!

P.S: For those waiting for the #5,000 Buhari promised unemployed youths, I'll gladly help you with a bottle of Coke and Popcorn to entertain yourselves while you wait because it's really going to be a long wait.

#AcquireASkillToday.

My Valentine's Day Experience: Anonymous' Story



Valentine’s Day in the year of 2010 will always be on my mind. I had been dating Solomon for some months before that day and everyone thought that we were the perfect couple. He was a very calm and loving guy and even though he was much older than me (11 years older, to be precise), it meant nothing to either of us. We connected really well and the s ex was awesome… In fact, it was almost out of the world. I fell (madly) in love with him so naturally, I began to have dreams and expectations like any other young lady.

I dreamt of getting married to him and becoming his wife. I mean, he was everything that I desired and we were from the same village too. It couldn’t have been any more natural, could it? I didn’t slack in any way to show him that I was the perfect woman for him. I took my time to cook for him at least three times a week (Thank my stars that I’m a very good cook), I was never used to washing clothes since my childhood but I turned into a washing machine for love, I respected his every wish and tried to never argue with him, I kept giving him hints about my marriage preferences like how I didn’t really care for a big wedding.


Now, as Valentine’s day was approaching that year, I began to notice and suspect some signs from him that made me think that he was hinting at a proposal. I mean, he kept asking me specific details about my wedding preferences e.g. my choice for a honeymoon, wedding day etc. In fact, that week, I was convinced that he was going to propose to me. I didn’t know how to contain myself or react within me. All I knew (for sure) was that I had to look my best on the d-day. I mean, I had to represent my family well!

That year, Val’s day was to be on Sunday. I rushed over to Jumoke’s salon on Friday to get my hair done and on Saturday, I basically went to all the boutiques in Kaduna searching for the perfect dress. In fact, it was by the grace of God that the money for the shopping came because I had none. I even had to beg my former sugar daddy for money just to look good for Solomon. Finally, I got the dress and I was ready for the show

That Sunday morning, I just looked casual to go to church. I planned to unveil my stunning look that afternoon. I remember that I almost left church because the sermon was taking too much time but I thank God that I didn’t. I was so excited. Immediately after church service, I rushed home and had a quick bath. I also brushed my mouth thoroughly (expecting plenty kisses and all). I told my mom that I was off for my Valentine’s outing and I told her to expect a special gift from me when I got back (for my mind I don calculate say ring go follow me come back house). She gave me her blessings and I left.

I suddenly remembered that my nails needed to be done… I had to take plenty pictures with the ring and they were going to be posted up on Facebook and all. I called my salon girl, Jumoke… I was willing to pay double for the nails but it turned out that she was out of town. Kai, I almost died of frustration. On a normal day I couldn’t even pick a spoon with artificial nails oh. I rushed over to the market but it was like all the people doing nails planned not to open that Sunday.

After I had failed in all my efforts, I went to over to my lover’s house without doing the nails. When I got there, I saw about four cars parked outside, I entered the sitting room and I found his male friends sitting and chilling with each other. They all hailed my dress. I felt on top of the world and I told myself he had invited his friends to witness the proposal. I entered the kitchen as a wife-to-be and I cooked three different meals for his guys (to earn extra points, of course). They were all so happy with the meals and I got compliment after compliment.

When all that was done, I went into his room to take a bath and he came around. We made love and all but I was half-interested in all of that… I was just waiting for my ring. I took a bath after and I refreshed my makeup. On getting to the sitting room, I saw that all his guys were gone. At that moment it was becoming clear to me that there was no ring. To say that my heart was breaking is an understatement. I stayed with him a while then, I informed him that I was going home and he offered to drop me off.


When we got to my house, there was still no ring. I got down and after he left, I just dropped my bag and trekked to church to get the last-minute blessing of the evening service. Kai, That thing made me feel rough for a long time. I had to buy something for my mom that evening and I claimed that it was the special gift I promised her.


SOURCE : GREENNEWS.NG 

My Valentine's Day Experience : Chidinma's Story



How do I start? I have never been one to hold a grudge. I usually forgive easily but this is one story that aches every time I remember. I was a young fresh secondary school graduate when I met Michael; he was a diploma student in my summer coaching school where I was applying for the university. I never really believed in love at first sight and I still don’t so, it was really confusing when I heard him say it. I was a bit of a geek so relationships were not on my agenda at the time but there was something about Michael. He successfully drove away other guys by letting them know I was what he really wanted even when he never told me a word about his feelings.


Initially, I heard it from other guys then a friend of his somehow boosted his moral and he came forward and said it. It took long for me to accept it but I finally did and from that day, things took a turn for the worst. He was either cheating or lying; In fact, he was just a total douche bag but I was young and naive and stupid in love that I always forgave him. I got an admission and things were going great for me in school except the fact that I was still so in love with Michael that as a guy, u couldn’t even make advances because you could sense my hostility from a yard away.

Michael kept up with his ways and it became worse because of the distance. Little by little, I began to lose my cool – Why was I busy being a good girl when he was having fun. My crazy roommates didn’t help my situation one bit. They kept filling my head with ideas. One day, a friend of ours was having a birthday party in a club and for the first time in my life I went to a club. I resolved within myself that I was going to let loose and I did. I met a guy – Steven. He was what we tag the three C’s- cool, calm and collected.

Somehow, we were able to share our experiences and we realized that we were both going through similar situations. We both hit it off immediately. He was great and soon without knowing it, I put Michael on the side line. I never really missed Michael because with Steven I had everything. I guess Michael started noticing the distance and kept complaining until I ended it with him. Michael was shocked, he couldn’t believe that I could move on or to talk of being without him.

The story gets juicy from here: My relationship with Steven blossomed. He met my parents; Nine months into our relationship he was talking marriage and I accepted. All of a sudden, Michael came back seeking forgiveness, which I gladly gave him. We became friends and once in a while he would make comments about wanting to come back which I will ignore. It was during that same period that Steven suddenly started acting strangely. I was shocked at his new behavior.

He was always busy or looking for something to fight about after which we would makeup and he would blame it on stress. This was a guy who owned his company. All this while, Michael kept preaching change and reconciliation but I couldn’t think of it. Feb 14 that year, I decided to use my babe’s phone to call my boo in the spirit of Valentine because my phone had issues and he was out of town but he wasn’t picking up.

I decided to send him a text then it hit me. My boo (Steven) was among my babe’s BBM contacts and he just pinged her. I couldn’t wait to read and I saw everything. He had shared my problems with her, they both sent each other nudes, It was like I became a constant disturbance and she was his joy. Then I saw that they were supposed to meet at a hotel that night and I didn’t know if I should throw the phone away or reply back. I decided to talk to someone else and I could only think of Michael at that moment. I decided to text so he would call back and another shock – he was also on her contact list and their text messages were worse than Steven’s own. Long story short, they all later found that I knew. They begged me for forgiveness and all but it wasn’t the same and since then, I hardly believe in Valentine not to talk of remembering that it should be celebrated.


SOURCE : GREENNEWS.NG 

My Valentine's Day Experience : Agnes' Story



My name is Agnes. I live in lagos. I met daniel when I was in secondary school, SS3 to be precise. Those days were one of the best days of my life especially the period he asked me out because he was like one of the finest boys in school and I just felt good about myself. Well, the only problem I had then was the fact that my parents weren’t supposed to know I had a boyfriend cause they were very strict and they would have killed me if they found out so we had to sneak around a lot, spending as much time as we could together.

After we both graduated from secondary school our relationship continued from then because we got accepted into the same university as we planned and we were studying the same course. We both got into private hostels but we didn’t stay together and this was only because he didnt agree to it. We had beautiful days together and I had my first with him just after we graduated. I can say that it was literally our best since (at least for me it was)

Like I said, we had beautiful days but he had his many flaws which turned some of my days upside down but my major problem with him was girls. We had this problem since we were in secondary school. At that time, my friends would tell me of how he used to put up pictures of other girls on facebook. I didn’t know about any of it because I didn’t have a phone then; my parents didn’t get me one until I graduated from secondary school. Now, Daniel’s problem with girls persisted and sometimes, I would catch him in the midst of girls touching at least one of them inappropriately or he would put up pictures of other girls and only put mine up as his display pictur when I complained. I confronted him about all these a few times and he would brush it off and sometimes yell at me telling me to stop trying to control him.            

As it got worse, all I wanted to do was fight for him cause I was convinced we had something and I cared about him a lot. A week before Valentine’s day that year, we made plans to go to dinner and to later go back to his place (actually, i basically made the plans) but on the morning of Valentine’s day, Daniel called me and told me he wasn’t feeling too well and asking whether we could shift our date to a week after that. Before he hung up he told me to just relax in my room, watch a movie and think about him which I told him I would do.

I was disappointed but I didn’t take it too hard. I decided to just stay in my room and watch a movie.  An hour or so later I called my friend Mary up telling her about what happened with Daniel cancelling our plans. She tried to cheer me up and asked me to come with her to see a movie. I was reluctant at first but I later agreed. We got to the cinema and as we were buying tickets to enter, I saw a guy holding a girl and entering the showroom. It was not just any guy, I didn’t see his face but I was sure that it was Daniel.

When I told Mary about it as we were settling for the movie, she told me I was wrong insisting that Daniel was just on my mind too much. I agreed with her even though my mind still bugged me. When the movie was over and everyone was stepping out, I saw the the same  guy again holding the same girl and laughing.  This time, I was convinced it was Daniel. I dragged Mary to get to where he was so I could see his face. When I did, it was truly him… It was Daniel.

At that point, I knew what was going on and I had never been so broken. It felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest (I wanted to faint). As if someone tapped him, he just suddenly looked my way. He seemed confused at first then, he relaxed. He started walking towards me(still holding the girl!) I wanted to scream. When he got to me, (Mary was busy looking at him in shock), he just asked me, sounding angry what I was doing there.

I couldn’t even talk, I was just staring at him, tears stinging my eyes. I was waiting for an explanation. Then the worst happened, he introduced me to the girl he was with as his girlfriend. He then whispered something to her and she left. I still didnt speak I was still staring at him in disbelieve . He said that that was what he was planing on telling me the week we were supposed to meet, he was very sorry but we were growing apart and blah blah blah.

My world went still at that point and all I could hear after that was Mary raining insults in Yoruba on him. At that point, I had already started crying, I just ran to the toilet so no one would see me and I cried ehhhh. That was the worst day of my life and I don’t think I had ever cried as I cried that day. For me, things hadn’t been the same since then. Every Valentine’s day reminds me of that horrible day.


SOURCE : GREENNEWS.NG

Happy Valentine's Day



So urrmmmm...it's Valentine's day and I'm quite sure the patronage gift shops, eateries, restaurants, hotels, etc would get today would be overwhelming. Well yes, it's a beautiful thing to be in that thing called love and it's even more beautiful to want to show your partner how much you're into them. Well, in which ever way we choose to mark St. Valentines day, we shouldn't forget to spread love to our families, friends, and everyone around us. For me, everyday should be Valentine.

To mark Valentine's day here, I'll be posting a couple of interesting real life Valentine's day stories written by people who felt others should share in their experiences. These stories would be sourced from Greennews.ng

Wednesday 20 January 2016

What Feminism Is and Is Not


Feminism has become a phenomenon that has come to stay in today's society. For some, it has become a way of life and for some others it is a concept that should be fast done away with. As a very controversial concept, Feminism has come to be identified with gender equality, fairness, equal rights, etc however, it has been labeled with several dirty stereotypes.

Simply put, Feminism is the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men. Marie Shear (1986) on her own part believes that 'Feminism is the radical notion that women are people'. Generally the word 'feminism' represents women, women's rights, equality, etc and largely stemmed out of the inequality between the male and female sexes.

Over the years, several misinterpretations have been associated with feminism, placing feminists in a bad light. Contrary to several absurd notions like;
* Feminism being Sexist
* Feminism and Feminists hating men
* Feminism propagating the eradication of men and abortion
* Feminism telling women that it's wrong to be house wives and mothers
* Feminism ignoring the difference between Gender and Sex and trying to impose the dominance of the female folk against the other
*Feminism preaching Lesbianism...,etc

   Feminism rather speaks equity for all irrespective of gender, sex, race, etc, feminism tries to acknowledge the oppression of women while also acknowledging the fact that in some areas women are also privileged. This way, the concept and all that it stands for remains unbiased. Feminism encourages men to treat women with respect and vice versa as it is also all about eliminating sexism and oppression for all genders. Feminism tries to inculcate in women the notion that they can aspire and become whatever they've really set out to achieve even in a male-dominated field. Feminism simply preaches #FemaleEmpowerment #Equity #Justice #OppositionToSexism #FemaleEnlightenment amongst several others. And yes! Men can be feminists too.




Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com

CHINASA: a short story by Chimamanda Adichie




I think it happened in January. I think it was January because the soil was parched and the dry Harmattan winds had coated my skin and the house and the trees with yellow dust. But I’m not sure. I know it was in 1968 but it could have been December or February; I was never sure of dates during the war. I am sure, though, that it happened in the morning – the sun was still pleasant, the kind that they say forms vitamin D on the skin. When I heard the sounds – Boom! Boom! – I was sitting on the verandah of the house I shared with two families, re-reading my worn copy of Camara Laye’s THE AFRICAN CHILD. The owner of the house was a man who had known my father before the war and, when I arrived after my hometown fell, carrying my battered suitcase, and with nowhere else to go, he gave me a room for free because he said my father had been very good to him. The other women in the house gossiped about me, that I used to go to the room of the house owner at night, that it was the reason I did not pay rent. I was with one of those gossiping women outside that morning. She was sitting on the cracked stone steps, nursing her baby. I watched her for a while, her breast looked like a limp orange that had been sucked of all its juices and I wondered if the baby was getting anything at all. 

When we heard the booming, she immediately gathered her baby up and ran into the house to fetch her other children. Boom! It was like the rumblings of thunder, the kind that spread itself across the sky, the kind that heralded a thunderstorm. For a moment I stood there and imagined that it was really the thunder. I imagined that I was back in my father’s house before the war, in the yard, under the cashew tree, waiting for the rain. My father’s yard was full of fruit trees that I liked to climb even though my father teased me and said it was not proper for a young woman, that maybe some of the men who wanted to bring him wine would change their minds when they heard I behaved like a boy. But my father never made me stop. They say he spoiled me, that I was his favorite and even now some of our relatives say the reason I am still unmarried is because of my father. 

Anyway, on that Harmattan morning, the sound grew louder. The women were running out with their children. I wanted to run with them, but my legs would not move. It was not the first time I had heard the sounds, of course, this was two years into the war and my parents had already died in a refugee camp in Uke and my aunt had died in Okija and my grandparents and cousins had died in Abagana when Nkwo market was bombed, a bombing that also blew off the roof of my father’s house and one that I barely survived. So, by that morning, that dusty Harmattan morning, I had heard the sounds before. 

Boom! I felt a slight quiver on the ground I was standing on. Still, I could not get myself to run. The sound was so loud it made my head throb and I felt as if somebody was blowing hot custard into my ears. Then I saw huge holes explode on the ground next to me. I saw smoke and flying bits of wood and glass and metal. I saw dust rise. I don’t remember much else. Something inside me was so tired that for a few minutes, I wished that the bombs had brought me rest. I don’t know the details of what I did – if I sat down, if I ducked into the farm, if I slumped to the ground. But when the bombing finally stopped, I walked down the street to the crowd gathered around the wounded, and found myself drawn to a body on the ground. A girl, perhaps fifteen years old. Her arms were a mass of bloody flesh. It was the wrong time for humor but looking at her with mangled arms, she looked like a caterpillar. Why did I take that girl into my room? I don’t know. There had been many bombings before that – we were in Umuahia and we got the most bombing because we were the capital. And even though I helped to clean the wounded, I had never taken anyone into my room. But I took this girl into my room. Her name was Chinasa. 

I nursed Chinasa for weeks. The owner of the house made her crutches from old wood and even the gossiping women brought her small gifts of ukpaka or roast yam. She was thin, small for her age, as most children were during the war, but she had a way of looking at you straight in the eye, in a forthright but not impolite way, that made her seem much older than she was. She pretended she was not in pain when I cleaned her wounds with home made gin, but I saw the tears in her eyes and I, too, fought tears because this girl on the cusp of womanhood had, because of the war, grown up too quickly. She thanked me often, too often. She said she could not wait to be well enough to help me with the cooking and cleaning. In the evenings, after I had fed her some pap, I would sit next to her and read to her. Her arms were still and bandaged but she had the most expressive face and in the flickering naked light of the kerosene lamp, she would laugh, smile, sneer, as I read to her. I had lost many of my things, running from town to town, but I had always brought some of my books and reading those books to her brought me a new kind of joy because I saw them freshly, through Chinasa’s eyes. She began to ask questions, to challenge what some of the characters did in the stories. She asked questions about the war. She asked me questions about myself. 

I told her about my parents who had been determined that I would be educated, and who had sent me to a Teachers Training College. I told her how much I had enjoyed my job as a teacher in Enugu before the war started and how sad I was when our school was closed down to become a refugee camp. She looked at me with a great intensity as I spoke. Later, as she was teaching me how to play nchokolo one evening, asking me to move some stones between boxes drawn on the ground, she asked whether I might teach her how to read. I was startled. It did not occur to me that she could not read. Now that I think of it, I should not have been so presumptuous. Her personal story was familiar: her parents were farmers from Agulu who had scraped to send her two brothers to the mission school but kept her at home. Perhaps it was her brightness, her alertness, the great intelligence about the way she watched everything, that had made me forget the reality of where she came from. 

We began lessons that night. She knew the alphabet because she had looked at some of her brother’s books, and I was not surprised by how quickly she learned, how hard she worked. By the time we heard, some months later, the rumor that our generals were about to surrender, Chinasa was reading to me from her favorite book THE AFRICAN CHILD. 

On the day the war ended, Chinasa and I joined the gossipy women and other neighbors down the street. We cried and sang and laughed and danced. For those women crying, theirs were tears of exhaustion and uncertainty and relief. As were mine. But, also, I was crying because I wanted to take Chinasa back with me to my home, or whatever remained of my home in Enugu; I wanted her to become the daughter I would never have, to share my life now emptied of loved ones. But she hugged me and refused. She wanted to go and find which of her relatives had survived. I gave her my address in Enugu and the name of the school where I hoped to go back to my teaching. I gave her much of the little money I had. “I will come and see you soon,” she said. She was looking at me with tearful gratitude, and I held her close to me and felt a keen sense of future sadness. She would find her relatives and her life would intervene in this well-meant promise. I knew that she would not come back. 

It is now 2008 and yesterday morning, a morning not dissimilar to that one forty years ago, I opened the Guardian newspaper in the living room of my house in Enugu. I had just returned from my morning walk – my friends say that my daily walk is the reason I do not look like a woman in her seventies – and was filled with the optimism that comes with the briskness, the raised heartbeat of walking. I had followed the recent national news about the government appointing new ministers, but only vaguely because after watching this country careen from one inept leadership to another, I no longer find much to be passionate about. I opened the paper to read that an education minister had been appointed, a woman, and she had just given her first interview. I was mildly pleased: we needed more women in government and Nigerians had seen how well the last female minister did in the ministry of finance. Then the face of the new minister, in a black and white photograph that took up half a page, struck me as familiar. I stared at it and before I read the name, I knew it was Chinasa. The cheeks had filled out, of course, and the face had lost the awkwardness of youth but little else had changed. 

I read the interview quickly, my hands a little shaky. She had been sent abroad shortly after the war, with one of the many international agencies that helped young people who had been affected by war. She had been awarded many scholarships. She was married with three children. She was a professor of literature. My hands began to shake furiously when I read about the beginning of her love for books: ‘I had a fairy godmother during the war,’ was all that she said. 

I looked at her face for a long time, imagining the life she has had, playing with the idea of contacting her, realizing that I had never before in my life felt quite so proud, before I closed the newspaper and put it away. 


SOURCE: THE GUARDIAN, 27TH JANUARY, 2009

Dealing with First Dates



First dates… They never get old. No matter how many times you’ve been through them or how many years of dating experience that you have in your bag. It never gets any less nerve-racking. Yes, even for the men! It involves first impressions, awkward conversations etc.

Here’s someone who you might endup being serious with or not… you have to make a good impression, you want your date to like you, you want your date to look for a second date… the pressure!p

It’s one situation that most people would rather avoid but unfortunately, it’s what you might call inevitable. That is, if you don’t want to remain single and searching for too long.

There are a few tips to make the first date a little less awkward and help you get that date to commit to another. Here they are:

It should not be for too long: 2 hours is more than enough. This is a first meeting (No, social media doesn’t count!). As much as you might want to know everything about each other, that’s what the other dates are for. Two hours is more than enough to get enough information to help you decide if you want another or not

Topics of discussion: Think over the things that matter to you when it comes to having a partner in your life (Refer to past mistakes and learn from them), think of what you appreciate the most in others, think of what excites you in a person. These are where your questions should come from. No need to be serious about them or interrogating them like a police officer but it is important that you get answers to your questions to avoid wasting your time and theirs’ as well

What to wear: Don’t ever try to over-impress or under-impress. Hence, don’t whip out that new dress or those new shoes or that faded shirt that you wear all day, every day. Be comfortable. Comfort is key while recognizing that you dress how you want to be addressed.

Body Language: Pay attention to this. It happens unconsciously hence, the tendency to fail on this can be really high. A lot of people give off negative body language when they find themselves in uncomfortable situation and end up leaving others with the wrong impression about them. Here are a few common ones that can’t send out the wrong message.

-Learn the art if you must but don’t avoid eye contact. Having eyes that look all over the place can come off as disinterest even though you might just be uncomfortable.

– Don’t put your hand over your mouth.

-Don’t sit with your legs stretched out carelessly or your hands behind your head.

-Don’t keep your phone on the table and keep picking it up or fiddling with it every two seconds

-Don’t play with your hair

Be yourself (CONFIDENTLY): If you are proud of yourself, you will be yourself and have your date take it or leave it. You might feel the pressure but it won’t slightly be as much as the one that doesn’t feel comfortable with himself and therefore tries to be someone else. The best way to conquer a first date is by being you in full

Be open to rejection: Here’s another reason why people get uneasy and mess up or give up even before the date has begun. The what-if-they-don’t-like-me-speech. So what? Whenever you hear that thought, your answer should be ‘So what?’ So what if someone somewhere decided that they can’t see themselves with you, does that mean that you’re not good enough?

First dates are never the most comfortable or remotely easy dates but sometimes, they’re all you need to get out and get involved.


SOURCE: GREENNEWS.NG

Important Health Screening for the Ladies

Regular preventive care is one of the most important ways to maintain your health over time. If you wait to see a doctor only when you notice a problem, it may be too late. A woman’s health depends on a lot of factors and it is very important to always go for a check-up.

Here are some of the health screenings you should not miss this year.

Cholesterol Check. Every woman from age 20 and above should have his or her cholesterol measured at least once every five years. This screening is important for decreasing your risk of heart disease, and can be done at your doctor’s office or at a medical laboratory, as the test only involves drawing a blood sample.

Blood pressure screening. This is a very important aspect of check-ups. Starting at age 18, every woman needs to have her blood pressure check. Every woman should all have a blood pressure below 120 over 80 (120/80). This is the ideal blood pressure for people wishing to have good health.

Pap smears and pelvic exams. Beginning at age 21, or earlier if you are sexually active, women need to have a pelvic exam and Pap smear every two years to check for any abnormalities in the reproductive system. Women age 30 and older only need a Pap smear every three years if they have had three normal tests in a row. It goes this way, a speculum is placed inside the vagina to widen the vaginal canal, and your doctor uses a small tool to take cells from the cervix to detect any cell changes that can lead to cervical cancer.

Mammograms and breast exams. Starting around age 20, women should have a clinical breast exam, at least, every three years until age 40, when this should be done annually, according to most experts. This is a manual exam — your doctor uses her fingers to examine or palpate the breasts for any lumps or abnormalities. A mammogram is a screening test for breast cancer and involves applying moderate compression to the breasts so that X-ray images can be captured. Mammograms are done every one or two years beginning at age 40

Blood glucose tests. Women should get a blood glucose test every three years starting at age 45 to test for diabetes or pre-diabetes. Before age 45, you may need to have your blood glucose levels tested if you have symptoms of diabetes or several risk factors. Your blood sample can be taken and tested at your doctor’s office or a lab.

Dental check-up. Good dental health is important from the moment your first baby tooth sprouts, and all adult women need twice-yearly dental check-ups and cleanings. Regular dental check-ups, which involve examining the teeth and sometimes taking X-rays, can keep teeth healthy from cavities, tooth decays or any problems with the mouth or teeth.

Remember, make time for healthy habits, eat right, manage stress, and schedule routine health screenings.


SOURCE: GREENNEWS.NG

A Saint In Disguise 7



"Now...this is some cool cash, think of what we or let's say you can do with this". Esomo had been trying to cajole her friend into throwing caution to the wind and going ahead to pretend like the money was hers- like she earned it.

"I've told you what I intend to do - his office address is on his business card which I found in the wallet and i won't at be peace till I return what I took to its rightful owner". Kamsi snapped back. Esomo only let out a long hiss, wondering how silly and naive her friend could be.

"Don't you understand?" Esomo began. "Once that man sets his eyes on you, he might get you arrested immediately, my dear, its not worth the risk..."

Kamsi only shrugged her shoulders.

"If that's punishment for what I did, then so be it!! I'm not a thief and you of all people, know that..."

"Did you say you found ATM cards in the wallet too?" Esomo asked Kamsi who nodded in the affirmative.

"I've got an idea!!" Kamsi raised her eyebrows wondering what she was up to.

"I know this guy who can hack the passwords to those cards and if luck is on our side, we might be able to make at least one huge cash withdrawal before he notifies the banks to block the cards". At the mention of this, Kamsi went mad with rage but she tried hard to conceal it.

"So how do you see it?" Esomo asked again.

"You're sick!!". She shot back....

**********
".....and please go through my list of scheduled meetings for the week but for starters, I need that file concerning Caprion&Co on my desk ASAP". Richard dished orders out to his 'ever-competent' secretary.

"Alright sir, understood." She made her way to leave but was cut short by her boss.

"Tina, remember, no visitors or calls between now and 12pm".

"Noted sir".

He didn't exactly know why he wanted to be left alone, all he knew was that he simply needed sometime to himself - to ease out stress and to clear his head. So many things had been disturbing him lately. One of them was the girl his friend had hooked him up with some days ago. Although he had every reason to let his bitterness swell against her, he just found himself making excuses for her wrongdoing. He just couldn't bring himself to understand why he felt so differently about her, why their brief but sour encounter kept replaying in his head and suprisingly, why he wished to see again.

The intercom on his desk rang, interrupting his thoughts. It was Tina.

"Sir, there's a lady here to see you"

"I thought I made it clear to you that...."

"I know sir" Tina began. "She's been here for about an hour now and has refused to leave till she sees you. She says its really urgent".

Without thinking about it and even much to his own suprise, he asked for this 'mystery lady' to be sent in.

"Send her in!!". He replied curtly....

Minutes later, he heard a slight "tap tap" on his door and with his face buried in files scattered all about his desk, he simply muttered a "come in" without bothering to raise his head.

Kamsi stepped in and for a moment she stopped to wonder where all the boldness she'd been storing up for quite a while now had vanished to. She felt her heart sink and now she wasn't even sure what to say.

"Good morning sir." Her voice came out smooth and calm.

Richard raised his head up and at that instant, he considered pinching himself to know if actually he was in a dream- or a trance. He recognized her immediately. His feet and fingers went numb and suddenly, his tongue tied. No, it just had to be a dream - one he didn't wish to wake up from. She looked young and innocent. Was it the animal print dress she had on that showed a bit of her legs, or her hair she had wrapped into a bun or her eyes which seemed to pierce his heart??. Whatever it was, she looked ravishingly beautiful. Her looks went further to butress his convictions that there ought to be some kind of explanation over what had happened earlier.

"You may sit." Richard said in response to her greeting as he tried to retain his composure because deep down, he knew he was losing it.

"Thank you, but there wouldn't be any need for that." Kamsi said with every iota of seriousness in her.

"Errrmmm..my name is Kamsi..Kamsi Onuoha." She wasn't sure how to begin. "I'm pretty sure you remember me, I just came here to let you know how sorry I am about the incident that took place a few days ago and how much I want to make things right...."

Richard only let out a "hmmmm" while he listened as she continued.

"I was caught up with circumstances and I felt what I did was necessary at the time but not anymore....here, have this."

She reached for her handbag and took out the wallet. Richard couldn't hide his shock anymore.

"Whoa! Whoa!! you mean you...."

Before he could finish that statement, she dropped the wallet on his desk and turned her back to leave. In split seconds, she had disappeared from his sight and turning back to his wallet, he opened it and to his utter amazement it was all there- intact.

Now, there had to be more to all this. This girl was certainly a mystery that needed to be unravelled and he knew he wanted to see her again, to speak to her again...but how could he when all he knew was her name. There just had to be a way about this, he thought...

**********
It was a fine Saturday evening -exactly two days after Kamsi paid him a visit at the office. He was on his way to see his parents at the family house at Ekorinim. He hadn't seen them in about two weeks and it seemed like ages as he so craved their company.

His mother was particularly excited to see him. She had a dish of 'ofe nsala' and pounded yam specially prepared for her son because according to her, all what those spoilt Calabar girls he hung out with could ever give him was 'indomie' or 'fried eggs & plantain' but now that he was home, it was time he ate 'real food'. He couldn't hold back the tear drops that came with his laughter as he watched his mother dutifully set out the table to serve her son and for the first time in a long while, he realized how much he loved and adored this woman.

Although, his mother was someone one could easily refer to as 'Margaret Thatcher', she was easygoing and had a large heart.

Dinner was quite an interesting one and no sooner than they had finished eating, his mother quickly whisked him away to her room - away from prying eyes and ears. As they went through the stairs, he knew exactly what all the show she'd been putting up all evening was about.

As she securely locked the door behind them, Richard was anxious to know what this was all about, though he had an idea. She gently sat at her dressing table and beckoned on her son to sit.

"Obim." Whenever she called him by this name, it was obvious she meant business.

"What is the problem?" His mother asked but he had decided to feign ignorance.

"Mum, I really have no idea what you mean." Richard replied throwing his face away.

"Since you have no idea, let me give you an idea... " Richard knew letting her begin her endless sermon would only piss him off as he wasn't in the mood for any of that and so cutting her short was what he needed to do.

"Okay..okay, mum" Richard started as he got up. "I know where you're going to and I wouldn't want us to make a big deal out of it but trust me, I'm working on it."

His mother's eyes widened.

"Now, this is good!! Why don't you tell me about it?".

"Don't get too nosy mum, you'll get to know in due course...very soon."

She only shrugged her shoulders and gave a faint smile. There wasn't much she could do anyway.

"I need to be with dad downstairs, I haven't briefed him on the situation of things at the office." This worked as the perfect  escape plan for him as he made his way to the door.

Halfway down the stairs, he wondered why he gave his mother the kind of assurance he gave her because he wasn't doing anything about nothing and he knew it. Whatever the case was, he needed to do something because the woman he knew wasn't one to be toyed with...

Sunday 17 January 2016

Rape Series: Christiana's Story



I thought I should share this interesting  article I just found.

 It depicts the latter effects of raping a child even when he/she is too young to know anything about what is going on. She’s only 19 but it’s safe to say that she has been through the one of the worst situations that life has offered and she pulled through. Chris says that if she fought for her sanity and all-round wellness then, you should too. This is her story:

Hi. My name is Christiana (though everyone calls me Chris because I insist) and I’m nineteen. I have been a victim of rape all my life. It started in Nigeria and it continued here in the US after we relocated (We – my mom and myself). I am an only child and I never knew my father. I’ve been through some therapy and I have done some great work through one particular organization here in the US, but I’ve never written my story. I guess it’s about time even though I’m really scared.

The first instance of abuse in my life occurred when I was two. I remember being in the car, afraid to go to my relatives’ house, just dreading it. I remember walking down the stairs and going in the bathroom. It hurt so badly when I peed. Tedola aka Teddy, my cousin, had told me not to tell, but the pain won out, and I called my mother into the bathroom. I’m not really sure what happened after that (my mom has a lot of interesting differing stories). All I know is that I never saw Teddy again, except in my nightmares. I do remember being on his bed, but I’ve never talked about that and I don’t think I’m ready.

She tells me that she sent me to a child psychologist. He told her that incest wasn’t important. I wouldn’t remember and it definitely wouldn’t affect me. We did play some sort of memory game, though … so I would forget. But I loved the memory game so much that it was the thing that triggered my memories to come years later and that was when I began to remember… Teddy would sneak into my room late at night (my mom rarely left us alone cause she was afraid he would abuse me but he still found his ways), at least three to four times a night. At least one or two of those times he would rape me. And he raped me both ways … anally and otherwise. I remember that he would choke me until I couldn’t make any noise and I think I passed out once or twice

No one ever knew my pain or what I was going through except my teddy bear that was given to me when I was two. His name was Heart. He was my friend. He was always there when it happened and he loved me so much. I kept him by my side every night… if only he could speak, he would tell the stories of the nights of horror. Still, it was him who kept me sane until about nine months ago when I left him at my friend’s house when we went for holidays at another state and we stayed at their place. She refused to send him back even when I begged to buy him back and everything then we relocated so there was no way to get him back. It still sad and my heart is still broken over it.

Anyway, my therapist and I established that Teddy abused me at least until the age of six or seven. I’m not sure if it went on for longer but I think it did. My most vivid memory was this time when I was playing with my blocks in the basement. Teddy was, according to mom ‘in charge of me’ because the adults were not around. His friend, Kamar was around too. He called me over and then told me touch his thing and I did and then he made me touch his friend. And he made me put them in my mouth. And then he touched me and did everything else in front of his friend. That was in Nigeria. We relocated just after then so I must’ve been seven years old or I’d just turned eight.

Another son of Mom’s close friend abused me sexually. He never raped me. I just recently remembered about him. When we first moved to the US, we were living in their flat and he used to be so nice to He lived with us for about eight months then before Mom found a place. He used to take my clothes off whenever we played together. He’d make me get naked in my room. He’d unzip his pants. I’d sit so that I was on top of him … not on top of his thing, but touching it without anything on and he would instruct me to ‘grind on him’ till he came. Sometimes, he would also stroke me down there when he read me stories. Mom doesn’t have a clue that he ever hurt me.

As I grew up, things were a little off for me with so many people thinking that I was partly insane. I remember thinking I was going crazy when the flashbacks first started. I got suicidal … and my best friend, Simi finally told her mom who told mine that I remembered about the abuse. My mom admitted and told me about my cousin. By thirteen, I became a little promiscuous. I wasn’t having s ex yet but I was fooling around and I was really dependent on guys.

Then, the depression started to sink in. Mom and I moved to another state and it started to get worse. My sophomore year of high school, relatives came to visit and the youngest boy there… Adam kept looking at me in a way that triggered a lot of fear in me. One night, he snuck into my room and he touched me (I wasn’t allowed to lock the door because of the night that I tried to commit suicide when I was seven… I don’t want to talk about it). He touched me for three nights. The last night, he tried to have s ex with me and I fought with everything in me. Something came over me and I realized that I had a choice or something like that. He left my room and I cried very loud but no one heard me. I think the adults found out but they didn’t understand what was going on and I was not willing to talk.

Junior year, I started going to see therapists. I was severely depressed. I was in a car accident and the depression that was always lingering began to grow and grow until it overwhelmed me. I had insomnia so I didn’t sleep at night and I spent the days crying in bed. I stopped school for a short while, I wasn’t eating and I was becoming too thin. One morning, after a really bad night, I was crying and screaming at my mom (who wouldn’t leave me alone). I wanted to kill myself and she found out so she wouldn’t leave my side. This time my mom called the church. I ended up meeting a great pastor who helped me immensely.

By then, I was just at the point where I stopped taking all the medications from the different doctors. The insomnia started getting better and I could sleep for an hour or two at night. I almost didn’t go on vacation with Simi (Simi was my only friend) and her friends at the time but I did thinking I needed something normal to happen for me once in my life. On that trip, I met a man that I considered to be a hero. He was so nice to all of us and we wanted to be like him.

He ended up taking us under his wing at his house. We never were really alone until the day before we left. The girls wanted to go shopping for the last time but I just wasn’t in the mood so I stayed back. He told me to come watch something with him. It turned out to be an 18+ movie. I laughed nervously. One thing led to another and before I knew it, he was kissing me and then, he was on top of me. I phased out. I don’t remember anymore till I was putting on my clothes and thinking ‘I didn’t want to do that’

That was two years ago and I vowed after then that it was the last time anyone would touch me without my consent so I worked hard at becoming a normal girl again. Today, I’m in home school and I am a volunteer who works with different organizations for domestic abuse and rape. I don’t plant to stop here, I want to eventually become a therapist and help save the lives of victims just like I was saved. I won’t say that I have become completely normal as though nothing ever happened but every day is better than the last.

If you are in a situation that involves rape or abuse of any sort or you know of someone in that situation, speak out! Call the Rape victim helpline 08072732255. Speak out and save a life today! SAY NO TO RAPE OR ABUSE OF ANY FORM.

SOURCE : GREENNEWS.NG

Saturday 16 January 2016

WHY REAL MEN AVOID SINGLE MOTHERS : Article written by American Author, Shawn James

1. Never Available. A single Mother’s schedule is never open. Single mothers are the kind of women to always cancel dates at the last minute. Something always gets in the way of a man spending time with her. It’s hard to have a relationship with her because she’s never there.
2. YOU are NOT a priority. Usually in a relationship the man winds up DEAD LAST. Behind, her kids, her job, the car, the kitchen sink, the stopped up toilet. Even the dog gets more attention and affection than a man involved with a single mother. Any man who gets involved with a single mother winds up a fifth stringer in a relationship. And he rarely ever gets called up to play.

3. Thinks the world revolves around HER and ONLY HER. A single mother is one of the biggest narcissists on the dating scene. She often thinks that a man has to drop everything in his life to be part of hers and her kids. They’re so selfish they don’t think a man has needs, wants or a life of his own. He’s just supposed to be there to give her everything she wants in life.

4. Emotionally Unavailable- Most Single mothers cannot form an intimate connection with a man because her feelings are invested in other people. Usually her primary focus is on her children.
In addition to dedicating herself to her children, most single mothers have given their hearts to someone else- their children’s father. And those feelings she still has for him will always prevent her from getting closer to you. There will always be some distance between a single mother and the new man in her life.

5. The ex/ Baby Daddy is ALWAYS THERE. A man just doesn’t deal with a single mother. He deals with her ex or her baby daddy as well. And this guy is always hovering around like a helicopter looking to c*ckblock you. Some of these guys still think they have a shot at getting back with her. Others just don’t want to see her happy. A lot of these dudes want to f!ght over her.
Seriously, it’s a game they’re playing with each other. And they’ll be playing that game with each other until their children turn 18 or 21. Head for the exit. It’s just not worth dealing with this fool and his insecure bullshyt.

6. The kids are working AGAINST YOU When dealing with a single mother you also deal with Kids. Kids who still in their little heart of hearts think that Dad will come back and love them.
Seriously, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.

7. Those kids will HATE YOU. They will act out to keep you from getting closer to mommy. They will make accusations against you to get you in trouble. Again, it’s just not worth dealing with the bullsh*t to get with a female. There are four billion women in the world. You can find a quality female who doesn’t carry all this baggage or give you this much grief.

8. Entitled attitude Single mothers think because she had a baby out of wedlock the world owes her EVERYTHING. And she thinks she’s the one who deserves the best. Even though she’s usually collecting welfare, food stamps, or child support, in eyes she’s still supposed to be treated like she’s a queen because she popped a kid out of her v*gina.
In their deluded distorted vision of the world Men are still supposed to take her out to the finest restaurants and buy them lots of expensive stuff. And he’s supposed to take care of her kids too, buying them whatever they want while taking a blind eye to their bad behavior.

9. Distorted self-image Single mothers still thinks she’s as sexy like she was before she had a baby. Only she doesn’t understand how her body has changed. In some cases for the worse.
Single mothers are the type to try to squeeze themselves into sexy outfits like low-rise jeans and cropped T-shirts to show off their belly button, not seeing the muffin top and stretch marks squeezing out over the top of their pants. They’re the type to stuff themselves into slinky spandex dresses, (not aware of that gut, and the cellulite on their asses) and head out to the club. She thinks men are supposed to run up on her offering to buy her drinks. And because a few thirsty simps step to her, she thinks she’s still got it. But the only people who wants what she has to offer are scavengers at the bottom of the social scene.

10. Always the victim. Single Mothers never take responsibility for their actions. The situation they’re in is always the fault of that “no good man”, “these damn kids” their mother or someone else. They never take any time to do any self-examination or make any efforts to change their lives. They’re still looking for some Rich Incredibly Handsome Man™ to put on a cape and play Captain Save-A-Hoe™, sweep her off her feet and take her out of the troubling situation she helped make.

11. Jekyll & Hyde Personality. A single mother will be the sweetest thing when a man first dates her, but a few months into a relationship she turns into a NUTJOB. A man will usually see glimpses of this when she chastises her kids when he first meets them. During that meeting she’ll yell at them and bully them to get them to act right while praising a man like he’s an angel.
It’s all an act. Heaven will turn into Hell around the six month mark.
Once a single mother gets a man settled into her life it’s not common for her to start verbally abusing him and mocking him as she projects all that pent-up rage from those previous failed relationships onto him. And it’s usually around this point that most men realize why this woman is single and why it’s time for him to hit the exit door.

12. Drama Queen. Because a single mother always sees herself as a victim of society, she’s always talking about her problems. And she always has a new trouble to bring everyone. There’s never a good day in the life of a single mother because there’s always some new crisis about to emerge in her life.
The reason single mothers need the drama is because it makes them feel important. It makes people pay attention to them. And when Captain-Save-A-Hoe™ is doting on them trying to solve their problems it makes them feel an artificial sense of value. They need that value to deflects people’s attention from how pathetic their lives actually are.
Manipulative In most cases, a single mother has no interest in a man she’s dating. In a lot of cases she’s just using a guy as a pawn.

13. In most cases she’s dating to make her Baby Baddy jealous. Deep down in her heart of hearts she believes that if she’s seen with someone else who sees her as valuable that he’ll see her as valuable and take her back.
In other cases when she’s not trying to get a rise out of Baby Daddy she’s playing the sympathy card™ using a guy to get gifts, free dinners and free drinks out of him. To a single mother, The men in her lives are just human ATM machines where she whispers a sweet nothing in his ear like a PIN number and money comes out of his wallet.
And because she’s a drama queen who loves to play the victim, the Single mother plays to men’s emotions to get them to react in the way she wants. It’s not common for a single mother to tell her man man about her baby daddy so he can go f!ght him. Or pit two baby daddies against each other. Many a man has wound up either dead or in prison because a single Mother played the victim card™.

14. Dishonest. A single mother is a LIAR. It’s how she gets what she wants. It’s how she manipulates people. It’s how she takes care of her kids. It’s how she survives in this world.
Single mothers lie. And they LIE ALL THE TIME. They lie to men about their age, their height, their weight, how many kids they have, the job they do.
On top of the lies they tell to others They lie to themselves. They lie about about how beautiful they are. They lie telling themselves they’re still a catch. They lie telling themselves they still have a chance with a good man. They lie telling themselves that their lives will be happily ever after one day.
The horrible truth is without those lies most of those single mothers would realize how pathetic their lives are. How they have no options in the dating scene. That they’re at the bottom of the barrel in the dating scene and the only men who want them are pathetic Manginas and thirsty Simps.

15. Carries Baggage, baggage and more baggage A single mother has more issues than Time and Newsweek combined. And when she’s looking for a man, she’s not looking for an equal caring partner. She’s looking for a Pullman Porter™ to take care of her kids, and clean up her messes with her childrens’ father. Brothers, don’t let yourself get sized up for the white jacket and the bow tie!
Anyway, dealing with a single mother is like walking through a minefield. After several months of being involved with her, it leaves a man anxious and tense because he doesn’t know where to step that won’t lead to an explosion that k!lls him.

That’s why Real Men avoid single mothers like disease.

Real men understand life is too short to put up with someone’s drama and their emotional baggage. We only have a limited time on God’s Earth and who wants to spend it being a Pullman Porter cleaning up someone else’s messes. As I stated before in a previous blog, let that woman take her run over Jimmy Choos and clean up her own mess. She made her bed, now let her lie in the wet spot.

Don’t date single mothers and don’t waste your time with them. There are four billion women in this world. If you’re patient, you’ll find a good one.

A Saint in Disguise 6



Richard sat by the bar, ordered a glass of white wine whilst stealing glances at his wristwatch. He had been here for about 45 minutes and still, there was no sign of Dave. He had mixed feelings and couldn't wait for everything to get done and over with. Despite his impatience and apprehension, there was this soothing calmness that lurked around. Maybe it was the serene atmosphere, or the sound of Elton John's "Sacrifice" playing in the background or maybe the coloured bulbs that dimly lit the hall. Whatever it was, he sure needed that soothing relief.

He took another sip of his drink and was lost in thoughts when he heard Dave's voice behind him amidst female chatter.

"Oh!! there he is". Dave said giving him a slight tap on the shoulder.

Richard simply looked up with a rather blank expression on his face but the sight of the tall, dark lady his eyes beheld left his feet numb and his tongue speechless. Without much ado, Dave did the introductions and called on a waiter to fix a table for four. As soon as they were settled, Richard simply kept mute and only nodded at intervals even as he took note of every minute detail around him.

He felt Esomo was lousy and one could easily refer to her as a "basketmouth". She drank with reckless abandon and this put him off. His gaze went to Kamsi who was calmly sitted beside him, he took great care not to let their eyes meet but he knew there was something about her he just could not place. She didn't seem to him like the regular girl. Her calmness and simplicity struck him and for a moment, he stopped to wonder what a seemingly calm and harmless Kamsi had to do with lousy Esomo. Maybe they were merely "business partners" and besides he felt judging a book by its cover could turn out to be the worst form of deceit...

 As time flew by, Richard began to loosen up; drinking, laughing, and chattering with the girls but this was not to last long as he gradually began to feel tipsy and Dave thought it wise that they all "retire for the night". Before now, Dave had had rooms booked and so a brief talk with the receptionist in duty settled it all. She handed Dave the keys to Room104 and Room106.

The pairing wasn't debated upon and it seemed somewhat natural for Dave to stick to Esomo and Richard to Kamsi. They bade one another "goodnight" with Dave flashing a knowing wink to Richard who was too dazed even to notice.

Once they got into the room, Richard slumped on the bed and in a matter of seconds, was in deep sleep. Kamsi felt relieved and at the same time confused, wondering what exactly her mission here was. She simply shrugged her shoulders, let out a deep sigh and finally sank into the chair closest to her. Her gaze gradually went to Richard who lay asleep on the double sized bed with his face up, legs apart and his mouth slightly open. He looked peaceful in his sleep. The couch on which she sat was directly beside the bedside drawer and a long standing mirror on her right gave a full side-view of herself and Richard on the bed. She wasn't sure if she wanted that. The different colours that came from the chandelier blended well with the white wall paint and the white sheets which gave the room a somewhat vintage look. Her eyes lingered for a while and it went back to Richard. She noticed how uncomfortable he would be in sleep and as though propelled by some unnatural force, she moved swiftly to the bed, yanked his shoes and stockings off, took off his wristwatch and unhooked his belt. Just as she was doing that, she noticed a huge bulge in his right pocket. Subconciously, she gently felt it and dug her hand deep. She got out his wallet.

Her hands trembled at the sight of it and somewhere deep down, she had the irresistible urge to open it. What she saw got her jaw dropping and as she looked back at him, she noticed that he looked as peaceful as ever even in his sleep.

Her eyes went back to the wallet and its contents in her hands. Her mind began to wander. Her mum was the only one that occupied her thoughts and somehow, the dark side of her began to supress every iota of humane feeling left in her. Was this an opportunity? Maybe it was. Just as she was drawing her "escape plan", her entire episode with Canon replayed in her head but she had this conviction that this one was different.

Without much ado, she threw the wallet into her handbag,  strapped her sandals, and looked in the mirror to brush her hands through her hair - to be sure she looked as calm as possible. With one last look at Richard, she gently opened the door, peeked her head through to make sure no one was hanging along the hallway before slipping past the door quietly. Esomo and Dave were in the room directly opposite but they were the least of her problems.

Luck seemed to be on her side as the whole bar and lounge seemed busy. Nobody cared. She glanced at her wristwatch and it was a few minutes past 12am. She only heaved a deep sigh and within seconds,  she disappeared into the night.....

**********

The strange figure straddled him and held very firm grip of his neck. He struggled so hard to let go, his eyes bulging and his breath gradually ceasing but the more he tried, the weaker he became as the figure whose face he couldn't even picture got greater hold of him.
He let out a shrill cry and jerked up from his nightmare with tiny beads of sweat streaming down his face, neck and chest. He clutched the white sheets closely and noticed it was damp. His sweats had dampened it.

Gradually, with dreamy eyes he looked around him and for a second, stopped to wonder how and when he got here, all alone. It was then it struck him!! Where was she? He wondered. He gradually got off the bed and noticed that his shoes had been taken off and his belt hook undone. There were no traces of her presence in the room - no handbag, footwear or maybe littered clothes. In his awe, he paused for a moment to remember her name. Then he made his way to the bathroom, gave the door a slight tap while gently calling out her name. When he got no response, he opened the door, peeked in, and to his utter amazement she wasn't there either.

He only let out a mischievous throaty laugh and began to fasten his belt around his waist. Subconsciously, he felt his pockets and noticed its emptiness. It just had to be one rib-cracking joke. He checked in and around the bedside drawers, under the pillows, under the sheets and even in his pockets again. In his shock, it dawned on him all that had happened. Suddenly, hot flushes of anger and fury rushed through him and his face turned red in a flash. He dashed out of the room and found himself banging on the door opposite his - although careful not to disturb the other guests.

"Who on earth could that be". Esomo asked Dave who was as perplexed as she was while trying to adjust herself properly under the covers.

Dave hurriedly covered himself with a bathrobe and went to get the door. As soon as he opened the door, he was quickly shoved aside by Richard whose eyes were bloodshot and was pointing his right fore-finger at Esomo in a manner of violent accusation.

"You worthess slut!!" Richard barked. "You connived with your friend to steal from me right??"

Esomo's jaws dropped in suprise. " Wha wha what do you mean?" She stammered a little. By now,  anger had taken the better part of Richard.

"Oh! don't give me that crap! where is she? else I'll get you both arrested and I swear to this." Esomo could hear the seriousness in his voice and she prayed inwardly for this not to get out of hand because at the moment, she was too astonished even to make any reasonable statement or defend herself convincingly.

Dave regained his balance and tried to give his friend a pat on the back to calm him down but his hands were shoved off sooner than it landed on his back. Richard made his way to the door, but paused for a second before he added in a calm tone

"You girls had better be careful, you might not get this lucky on your next escapade".

**********

It was 6.48am. Kamsi had boarded the first bus and by now, was on her way to Umuahia. Several thoughts swarmed her mind and for sure, she knew Esomo would be worried sick about her and the fact that she switched her both phones off would make matters even worse. She looked out through the window and inhaled deeply. She then thought about Richard. Did she have to do what she did? What did he think of her now? Would he come after her??. When she couldn't arrive at answers to most of the questions her inner being asked her, she simply waved them all aside reassuring herself that she didn't have much choices anyway.

At about 11.30am, she arrived Umuahia and for the first time in a long while, she noticed she had mixed feelings and suddenly lacked the fervor to visit home. She picked up her small hand luggage and headed to board another bus that would take her to her home at Mission Hill. In less than 10minutes, she alighted from the vehicle and made her way into the compound. The surroundings seemed so peaceful and serene and the familiar scent she perceived in the atmosphere made her feel more at home. As she approached the main building which stood in the middle of an extremely large compound surrounded by plantain trees, she figured it was quite unusual for mama not be sitted at the verandah and it was then it struck her that mama's little kiosk outside the house was closed -very unusual!!

She only hoped all was well. As she approached the house, she could hear the chattering of people inside. The voices were familiar- mama's and Dozie's , only that she couldn't place the voice of the person in whose company they were.

The door to the parlour which was on the right wing of the passage, stood slightly ajar. She peeked in to see her mother, brother and some other strange woman who sat breastfeeding a baby amidst loud chatter. She silently walked through the door and it was the scent of her cologne that betrayed her presence. Dozie couldn't contain his excitement as he jumped off his seat and flung his arms around her in a tight embrace. Oh! how she missed home!! Her mother who had been lying on the couch got up with her eyes obviously lit up with excitement. She looked hale and hearty, and her smile hadn't changed one bit.

It was now Kamsi was taken aback. Her mother ought to be sick, wasn't she? In a very critical condition....whatever happened, she needed reasonable explanations.

In no time, the visitor who had come to pay a visit soon took her leave, leaving Kamsi enough room to ask the dozen questions she couldn't wait to spill.

"Mama, what kind of joke is this?" A bewildered Kamsi asked. Her mother only gave Dozie a knowing look and together they burst out in laughter. This got Kamsi visibly irritated.

"Dozie!" Kamsi barked. "You were the one who's been disturbing my phone for over two weeks now as regards mama's health. I'm here now and the both of you are trying to make a big fool of me".
The atmosphere was becoming tense and it was clear, Kamsi needed explanations. The look in her eyes said so.

"Errmm..." mama began. "Don't go hard on me or your brother because as a matter of fact, everything he called to tell you was true. It was no false alarm".

"So mama, what then happened?" Kamsi asked again even more suprised than she was.

Mama adjusted her wrapper before she began with smiles twisting at the corners of her lips.

"Do you remember Elder Osuji in the church, the one who travelled to 'obodo oyibo' with his wife last year?". Kamsi nodded in the affirmative and mama continued.

"As part of their thanksgiving programme, they decided to pick five widows ; set up small scale businesses for them and provide basic medical care to them and their families for a whole year". Saying Kamsi was shocked was an understatement.

"So mama, you mean to tell me that Elder Osuji and his wife paid your hospital bills and bought you your routine drugs?" Kamsi asked with her eyes wide with excitement.

"That is not all oo" Dozie quickly cut in. "Mama was also given #150,000 to boost her petty business".

Kamsi's mouth hung open. At that instant, she felt shock, suprise, astonishment and regret all at once. Why didn't they tell her all these? Why did they have to put her through the stress of doing all she had to do to make sure she came back home prepared to take care of her "sick mother"?. Right now, she didn't know whether to be happy or sad, whether to laugh or cry. It just dawned on her that she had no justification whatsoever to do what she did because for all she cared now, it was pointless!

"...but mama, you and Dozie should have told me this, it wouldn't have stopped me from coming if I wanted to". Her eyes kept lingering on her handbag which contained...

Her mother only smiled, although inwardly she expected a totally different reaction from her daughter.

"Well..my dear daughter, Dozie suggested we cover it up and reserve it as a big suprise for you or aren't you happy seeing me and your brother?"

"I am Mama". Kamsi lied.

"Can I get something in this house to eat?" Kamsi asked no one in particular as she made her way to the kitchen while she wondered how to clear the mess she just created for herself which obviously would hunt her for quite sometime..

Saturday 9 January 2016

A Saint in Disguise 5



Kamsi received a message from her younger brother informing her of her mother's ill health. Her 57-year-old mother had been battling with chronic diabetes for quite some time now and her routine drugs were her closest companion. When she called to find out from Dozie what exactly the problem was and why it had aggravated in so little a time, he only said it has been pretty difficult she maintaining the use of her routine drugs lately.

With the state of her mother's health and the situation of things back home, Kamsi knew she just had to go home- but definitely not empty handed. First, because her mother needed very urgent medical attention, and secondly to settle other minor issues at home. She figured all these wouldn't be easy especially when her semester exams were by the corner but she was sure going to find her way about it whichever means only that the temptation and the cross was becoming too heavy for her to bear.

**********

Richard sat at his desk sipping from a cup of steaming hot coffee. He glanced through the heap of files on his desk awaiting his attention and he also thought about the long list of scheduled business meetings lined up for the whole week. Right now, he wasn't feeling too well and only managed to bring himself to the office. He'd met with his doctor about a week ago and she simply told him all he needed was rest because it had become obvious that  work was taking its toll on him.

He placed the tea cup gently on the saucer and picked up his phone to dial Dave's number. Dave has been his longtime friend. After a brief chat and a few hearty laughters over the phone, Dave decided to come over to the office to pay him a visit.

Dave who was a very witty fellow, filled the atmosphere with his unending tales and hilarious jokes.

"How about we do a sit-out probably during the weekend and maybe you get to...." Dave didn't finish his sentence before flashing him a wink.

"You know I'm not cut out for all that bullshit...i practically don't have time to waste and you of all people should know that i work at home even more than i work in the office" Richard said with a wave of the hand, looking very uninterested.

"C'mon man...do you always have to be like this?? I mean, look at you...you're gradually losing it and i think you need  a break!!"

Richard only made a face but deep down, he knew he needed it - a break.

"Rich.." David started calmly "I promise its going to worth the while..just watch me take the lead or don't you trust my leadership abilities anymore?"

Richard raised an eyebrow
"Oh yeah..i do!! you silly ol' dude!!"
They both laughed hard...

**********

Esomo's ringtone jerked her up from her sleep. She reached for the phone under her pillow and was pleasantly surprised to see who the caller was. It was Dave. It had been a long while since they last saw or spoke to each other and now that he called, she only hoped good tidings were on the way.
After a brief exchange of pleasantries, Dave told her the reason he had called and Esomo only said "DEAL" with a smile twisting at the corners of her mouth. A great weekend it was going to be indeed.
Kamsi who had been lying beside her all this while turned over to ask.

"What deal do you have this time? you're up to some mischief abi?"

Esomo's eyes only shone brightly and she seemed rather eager to answer that question.

"Well...I'm not up to any mischief, just a call from an old friend and....."

"A client right?" Kamsi cut in sharply.

Esomo only gave a wide grin as she knew  that Kamsi  only wanted to begin to taunt her and so she gave no room for further questions.

"Any plans for the weekend?" Esomo asked.
The moment Kamsi heard this, her episode with Canon replayed in her head and she only hoped this time was going to be better.

"Errrmmmm....not really" Kamsi answered with her eyes rolling wondering what Esomo was up to.
"Still trying to put things together so that by this time next week I'll be home....only that its not been easy and something just has to happen fast".

Esomo only had a sly smile on her face

"You'll be fine and its only going to get better...from this weekend onward".
She said this with the smile still twisted at the corners of her mouth.

"This weekend of yours had better be worth the while!". Kamsi replied dismissive and with that, she slid back into her bed position and gradually drifted to sleep.

**********

The rest of the week seemed to crawl but finally, Friday was here. By 6.30pm, the girls began preparing for a 'fun-filled' evening. Kamsi's fear and apprehension had given way and she had by now, began to come to terms with everything. She didn't have much choices anyway.

The plan was for Richard and Dave to come pick the girls up at exactly 8pm, but Richard found the idea totally absurd.

"What in Pete's name are you talking about?? why should i give cheap sluts such VIP treatment??" Richard asked with bulging eyes.

"You know your problem?...you take things too  seriously. Besides, who says these girls are sluts?"

"You fool!!" Richard barked. "Can i ask a question?"

"Oh yeah...best pal to the fool, ask your question" Dave replied sarcastically.

"Do any of these girls share any resemblance with Queen Elizabeth of England?"

Dave only stared at his friend wondering if all was well with him.

"Look here...I've got no time to waste waiting on some cheap sluts who wouldn't add value to me now, you're the architect of this whole 'sit-out' thing but for driving all the way to make some dirty slut feel special, i won't!!!"

"Rich, can you be calm?"

Richard took a glance at his wristwatch and inhaled deeply.
"Dave..its 7.48pm already, you could go pick the girls up...I'll be waiting at Orange Resort".

He dug his hands deep into his pocket for his car key and dashed out of the house...



READ 'A SAINT IN DISGUISE 6' HERE

Thoughts on the Amber Amour tale



A story has been trending online about a South African 'rape' victim, Amber Amour, who live-blogged her sexual assault just after it happened. Her story is a very controversial one and after posting it online, Amber who's promoting her campaign called 'Stop Rape. Educate' was bashed online by people who felt she was to blame for what befell her and only used this as a 'publicity stunt' for whatever campaign she was promoting.

Everybody keeps wondering what manner of woman would strip naked to have a shower with a man she  barely knows and then later cry foul after he took undue advantage of the situation. She got what she asked for. Isn't it?. This only shows us a bit of how people with twisted minds reason.

Please do well to read her full story here. 

Now, in the light of the diverse opinions flying around, Charles Asuquo had this to say.





"As the world basks in the deep pit of change, it's sense of morality equally diminishes with each passing day. However, rape cases have soured higher in the platform of immorality, it has become an endemic feat in a world were moral decadence seems elusive.There are two sides to every rape case; the behavioural pattern or provocative appearance of a female which unconsciously provokes the orgiastic centre embedded in the heart of a man and the undiluted animalistic nature in a man's mind that overwhelms his supposed sanity and self-control. These features are sacrosanct causatives to the indelible rape acts.In the case of Amber Amour, 27, critically analysed, every guy should respect the anatomy of a woman devoid of the incurable wildness in men. There's something called self-control and if that is weak in your anatomy, avoid the stage where your self-control will be put to test. Clearly, the guy ignored all signs and invited her to have a shower with him *sad*.Furthermore, I will posit that she deserved what she got. Gone are the days of ignorance, women have been blessed with a basket of knowledge about the man's hunting nature and she totally danced into the trap of the Hunter, ignoring the Holy Bible which says 'that one should not tempt others into evil.
I will adduce from her perspective that her case was just a means to expose a legion of courage to victims out there to speak up.
Before I back out I would like to say, Rape is equivalent to murder because it damages the psychological arena of the victim, females don't tempt men, men, control yasef... I won't hammer on the female rapping men case cause me sef I de find woman wey go rape me.. Lol.."

Originally Written by Charles Asuquo a.k.a Ntufam.

Wednesday 6 January 2016

Roundup of Lessons Learnt in 2015



I know this should have come a bit earlier but it took me quite sometime to compile this list. In retrospect, 2015 was quite my best year yet; I achieved several things I always dreamt of and are proud of today, I climbed on a higher pedestal, and in all, my eyes were opened in ways I never really imagined. So I thought I should share a few of the lessons 2015 taught me here and I hope we can all take a cue from them.

1. HAVE FAITH : Faith is the key to achieving everything we've always ever desired. Faith brings meaning to our lives and gives us hope when everything seems lost. This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with being religious (it has a lot to do with it though), it only means being confident and believing all would work out for good. This is the very first step towards the successful  achievement of our goals. Just like Mastin Kipp rightly put it, Faith is the magic sauce that elevates our lives from a mundane human experience to a profound and living spiritual experience as it also brings meaning to the dark times and deep joy to the good times.

2. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF : Often times we have our eyes on certain things, we aspire to reach certain goals and we just want to be like somebody who keeps inspiring and mentoring us but we just can't. We create psychological barriers for ourselves and give ourselves a thousand and one reasons why we aren't good enough to reach our goals, why the other person who succeeds at what he does  is better off, why such goals are very lofty and un achievable. But the truth is when we develop a certain level of confidence in ourselves and our abilities, when we decide to tear down those barriers that are limitations to our dreams and ideas, things would only change for the better. For a while, I had issues with my self-esteem and I wasn't just sure who I really was or what I set out to achieve but the moment I began to let go of everything and consciously began to work on my confidence as an individual, things began to work like magic! Believe in yourself, even if it's the only thing you ever get to do.

3. SELF- LOVE: Literally 'love for oneself'. Now there's anything thin line that divides having love for oneself and being selfish. We should be careful not to slip into the latter. Having love for oneself simply has to do with knowing what and what does not work for you, making conscious efforts to please yourself, knowing at all times what you deserve and refusing to settle for less, and basically staying happy (the list is endless) . Even though I'm not an expert at being happy - I have my low moments too - being happy is something we shouldn't trade for anything else as not only does it serve as a means of loving ourselves genuinely, it also helps set everything straight.

4. BE YOUR FAN: You just wrote a beautiful article, posted it on Facebook and yet got a few likes, or this awesome idea you conceived at your workplace and nobody really seems to be paying attention to it? Of course, these are good enough reasons for you to feel less of who you really are, for you to get discouraged and maybe sit back to ask yourself why things never really work out. 90% of the time, things don't just start out very rosy, the difficulties, challenges and the weakening silence you would get from people whom you really need to cheer you on would definitely be there. But that's not enough reason to back out. Begin with being your own fan, your own support, your own source of inspiration, your own motivation and the one to always cheer yourself on. It did work for me at some point when I felt I was alone in all I did but the positive attitude I put on and the belief I had in my abilities was what stayed with me.

5. NEVER LET YOUR EMOTIONS OVERRIDE YOUR SENSE OF REASONING : In dealing with matters of the heart, we sometimes let our emotions do the thinking and talking for us. In some cases, what we feel might be real but it just might not be right. In whatever we do, our senses of reasoning should be the ultimate guide because letting our emotions take charge would only put us in jeopardy. I really can't find any other way to explain this in writing but I'll stress that we should 'never let our emotions override our sense of reasoning'...

These are just a few of the so many lessons I came to learn in 2015. What lessons did you learn? Please do well to drop your comments below. Thanks for reading.