I thought I should share this interesting article I just found.
It depicts the latter effects of raping a child even when he/she is too young to know anything about what is going on. She’s only 19 but it’s safe to say that she has been through the one of the worst situations that life has offered and she pulled through. Chris says that if she fought for her sanity and all-round wellness then, you should too. This is her story:
Hi. My name is Christiana (though everyone calls me Chris because I insist) and I’m nineteen. I have been a victim of rape all my life. It started in Nigeria and it continued here in the US after we relocated (We – my mom and myself). I am an only child and I never knew my father. I’ve been through some therapy and I have done some great work through one particular organization here in the US, but I’ve never written my story. I guess it’s about time even though I’m really scared.
The first instance of abuse in my life occurred when I was two. I remember being in the car, afraid to go to my relatives’ house, just dreading it. I remember walking down the stairs and going in the bathroom. It hurt so badly when I peed. Tedola aka Teddy, my cousin, had told me not to tell, but the pain won out, and I called my mother into the bathroom. I’m not really sure what happened after that (my mom has a lot of interesting differing stories). All I know is that I never saw Teddy again, except in my nightmares. I do remember being on his bed, but I’ve never talked about that and I don’t think I’m ready.
She tells me that she sent me to a child psychologist. He told her that incest wasn’t important. I wouldn’t remember and it definitely wouldn’t affect me. We did play some sort of memory game, though … so I would forget. But I loved the memory game so much that it was the thing that triggered my memories to come years later and that was when I began to remember… Teddy would sneak into my room late at night (my mom rarely left us alone cause she was afraid he would abuse me but he still found his ways), at least three to four times a night. At least one or two of those times he would rape me. And he raped me both ways … anally and otherwise. I remember that he would choke me until I couldn’t make any noise and I think I passed out once or twice
No one ever knew my pain or what I was going through except my teddy bear that was given to me when I was two. His name was Heart. He was my friend. He was always there when it happened and he loved me so much. I kept him by my side every night… if only he could speak, he would tell the stories of the nights of horror. Still, it was him who kept me sane until about nine months ago when I left him at my friend’s house when we went for holidays at another state and we stayed at their place. She refused to send him back even when I begged to buy him back and everything then we relocated so there was no way to get him back. It still sad and my heart is still broken over it.
Anyway, my therapist and I established that Teddy abused me at least until the age of six or seven. I’m not sure if it went on for longer but I think it did. My most vivid memory was this time when I was playing with my blocks in the basement. Teddy was, according to mom ‘in charge of me’ because the adults were not around. His friend, Kamar was around too. He called me over and then told me touch his thing and I did and then he made me touch his friend. And he made me put them in my mouth. And then he touched me and did everything else in front of his friend. That was in Nigeria. We relocated just after then so I must’ve been seven years old or I’d just turned eight.
Another son of Mom’s close friend abused me sexually. He never raped me. I just recently remembered about him. When we first moved to the US, we were living in their flat and he used to be so nice to He lived with us for about eight months then before Mom found a place. He used to take my clothes off whenever we played together. He’d make me get naked in my room. He’d unzip his pants. I’d sit so that I was on top of him … not on top of his thing, but touching it without anything on and he would instruct me to ‘grind on him’ till he came. Sometimes, he would also stroke me down there when he read me stories. Mom doesn’t have a clue that he ever hurt me.
As I grew up, things were a little off for me with so many people thinking that I was partly insane. I remember thinking I was going crazy when the flashbacks first started. I got suicidal … and my best friend, Simi finally told her mom who told mine that I remembered about the abuse. My mom admitted and told me about my cousin. By thirteen, I became a little promiscuous. I wasn’t having s ex yet but I was fooling around and I was really dependent on guys.
Then, the depression started to sink in. Mom and I moved to another state and it started to get worse. My sophomore year of high school, relatives came to visit and the youngest boy there… Adam kept looking at me in a way that triggered a lot of fear in me. One night, he snuck into my room and he touched me (I wasn’t allowed to lock the door because of the night that I tried to commit suicide when I was seven… I don’t want to talk about it). He touched me for three nights. The last night, he tried to have s ex with me and I fought with everything in me. Something came over me and I realized that I had a choice or something like that. He left my room and I cried very loud but no one heard me. I think the adults found out but they didn’t understand what was going on and I was not willing to talk.
Junior year, I started going to see therapists. I was severely depressed. I was in a car accident and the depression that was always lingering began to grow and grow until it overwhelmed me. I had insomnia so I didn’t sleep at night and I spent the days crying in bed. I stopped school for a short while, I wasn’t eating and I was becoming too thin. One morning, after a really bad night, I was crying and screaming at my mom (who wouldn’t leave me alone). I wanted to kill myself and she found out so she wouldn’t leave my side. This time my mom called the church. I ended up meeting a great pastor who helped me immensely.
By then, I was just at the point where I stopped taking all the medications from the different doctors. The insomnia started getting better and I could sleep for an hour or two at night. I almost didn’t go on vacation with Simi (Simi was my only friend) and her friends at the time but I did thinking I needed something normal to happen for me once in my life. On that trip, I met a man that I considered to be a hero. He was so nice to all of us and we wanted to be like him.
He ended up taking us under his wing at his house. We never were really alone until the day before we left. The girls wanted to go shopping for the last time but I just wasn’t in the mood so I stayed back. He told me to come watch something with him. It turned out to be an 18+ movie. I laughed nervously. One thing led to another and before I knew it, he was kissing me and then, he was on top of me. I phased out. I don’t remember anymore till I was putting on my clothes and thinking ‘I didn’t want to do that’
That was two years ago and I vowed after then that it was the last time anyone would touch me without my consent so I worked hard at becoming a normal girl again. Today, I’m in home school and I am a volunteer who works with different organizations for domestic abuse and rape. I don’t plant to stop here, I want to eventually become a therapist and help save the lives of victims just like I was saved. I won’t say that I have become completely normal as though nothing ever happened but every day is better than the last.
If you are in a situation that involves rape or abuse of any sort or you know of someone in that situation, speak out! Call the Rape victim helpline 08072732255. Speak out and save a life today! SAY NO TO RAPE OR ABUSE OF ANY FORM.
SOURCE : GREENNEWS.NG
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