My Sunday diaries 1

Its Sunday. A combined service in church. All the branches in the state are assembled to hold a single service here in the state headquarters. I come to church with my siblings about 2hrs late. Purposeful lateness. The cars, people and chairs littered about seem uncountable. I gently walked into the church premises taking great care not to stumble over my high heels. A tap on my shoulder from behind nearly startled me. These ushers ehhn..they won't kill somebody ooh!
"Beloved sister, are you a new comer?" A very dry-looking female usher asked me with her head wrapped in a manner that reminded me of accidents and bandages and her black skirt swept the floor. I had a slight frown on my face and something in me wanted to scream and say "NOOOOO I'M NOT!!" because I'm always asked this question by these ushers who take delight in making others feel stupid but I just managed to keep calm.
"No I'm not" I replied as I made my way to walk out on her.
"My sister, please o don't vex. But you don't look like us. As a chosen sister you need to put on the full armour of christ and in doing so, you need to look christ-like". I only smiled, slightly giving her a nod which she probably took as an affirmation from me to go on with her preaching. By now, here I stood with this overzealous usher as we became the cynosure of all eyes. Other ushers and "born again brothers/sisters wondering what Sister whatever-her-name-is was discussing with a devil in human flesh like me. Afterall my appearance was devilish and 'jezebelic' to them.
"Look at your shoes my sister..its too high for a child of God, all these shoes are from the pit of hell and they are made for jezebel and her followers.." My preacher -usher continued.
"Thank God you have your bible here. Let us go to the scripture for emphasis. Open to the book of.." she started to open the bible which she'd clutched under her armpit all the while and I knew I wouldn't survive this anymore.
"Errmmm, I understand and I promise I'll repent. I'll go for altar-call today." I said smiling slyly as i suddenly realised my foolishness.
"Praise be to God..please throw this shoe away after today. Let me get you a seat." Just as she left, I stood there transfixed for a moment. I wondered, when would we just do away with religious fanaticism and resist the urge to judge others?? It beats my imagination that merely looking at somebody, these 'holier-than-thou' critics would just conclude which category you fall into -the damned savages bound for hell fire or the redeemed chosen ones of the Lord already in heaven. Once you appear in church with dry and broken lips, with your skin bearing a resemblance with one that hasn't seen cream or moisturisers in months, with your head wrapped up in a bandage-like manner strong enough to give one a migraine or your skirt sweeping the floor as you walk, then AUTOMATICALLY, you win a divine ticket to heaven to be in the bosom of Father Abraham, regardless of your lifestyle. Sometimes I wonder how people become so hypocritically immersed in their religious beliefs that they often forget what it's like to be themselves and in doing so, go against what's really obtained in the bible they preach so much about. They judge, criticise, discriminate and spit offensive words at others simply because they just aren't like them. I thought, if we can just let people live for who they are, embrace them the way they are, and try to correct them without so much tongue-lashing...the world and especially Nigeria surely would be a better and simpler place to live in.
She returned with the chair grinning from ear to ear and I only gave a slight nod with a bland expression on my face in a manner to say "thank you".
"Don't forget our discussion o"
I said nothing. I took the chair from her and focused on trying to get a space to fix it outside. I knew it was only the beginning of so many more to come so I braced myself up for the 'challenges' ahead. Lol. My church shaa.....